The 51st Grammys: Hours To Go Before We Sleep!

Posted Sun Feb 8, 2009 11:11pm PST by Billy Altman in And The Winner Is...

We have to admit that, compared to recent years, the 51st edition of the Grammy Awards ceremonies did carry a bit of suspense. For instance, Would Lil Wayne be the first rapper to win Album of the Year, and if so, would his pants stay up? If they won Song of the Year for "Viva La Vida," would Coldplay get coldcocked onstage by Joe Satriani, the guitarist whose instrumental "If I Could Fly" surely seemed to have been stolen lock, stock, and riff by Chris Martin and crew? Would ultra-pregnant M.I.A., appearing on her actual due date, become the first Grammy nominee to drop a baby right in the middle of a performance? And what on earth happened between Chris Brown and Rihanna, both of whom were no-shows on the telecast owing to a late Saturday night post-party altercation that apparently left Rihanna injured and Brown arrested on battery charges? Well, over the course of a three-and-a-half-hour program in which a grand total of 10 (!) awards were actually given out (believe it or not, the rest of the 110 total Grammys up for grabs were all doled out, as has been the practice for some time now, in a hurried pre-telecast ceremony on the floor of L.A.'s Staples Center), we did get answers to the first three of those four questions: respectively, no, no and no.
Lil Wayne won Best Rap Album, but not Album of the Year, which, as per the Recording Academy's usual conservative bent, went to Robert Plant and Alison Krauss's Americana album Raising Sand. Coldplay won Song of the Year without anyone yelling, "Thief!" And M.I.A., wearing a sort of maternity leotard thing, made it through her part on "Swagga Like Us" without going into labor--though for any of us who actually made it through the whole darned show, labor was indeed the operative word.
As for the Chris Brown/Rihanna flareup, we'll probably need to wait for the police blotter sometime tomorrow to find out about that one.Still, the 51st Grammy Awards show did overall have its share of moments to remember. And to that end, here's our own top 10: Yahoo!'s 2009 Grammy telecast "And The Winner Is" awards:The "Rising To The Occasion" Award goes to Jennifer Hudson, for surpassing her dramatic rendition of the national anthem at last week's Super Bowl with a riveting (and decidedly non-lip-synched) performance of her uplifting "You Pulled Me Through."The "Stooping To The Occasion" Award goes to Thom Yorke and Radiohead, whose whiny rendition of "15 Step" was so bad-vibed that you kind of wished they'd have just left the stage and allowed the USC Trojan Marching Band accompanying them to do the song by themselves. The "Haven't We Seen This Picture Before?" Award goes to Whitney Houston, who looked and sounded as out-of-it as a presenter in 2009 as she did as a performer in 2000, when they had to remind her that her song was over and she kind of needed to leave the stage so the show could continue.The "I Wonder What They're Thinking Right Now?" Award goes to Dean Martin's son and daughter, who after hearing Queen Latifah salute their late dad's Lifetime Achievement nod, then heard her introduce Kanye West, T.I., Lil Wayne, and Jay-Z as the "Rap Pack." Somewhere, Frank Sinatra is spinning in his grave. The "Best Date Placement" Award goes to Paul McCartney, for using his upfront aisle-seat pull to show off new gal pal Nancy Shevell. Oh, Heather...
The "I Went To The Grammys And A Boston Red Sox Game Broke Out" Award goes to Neil Diamond, for his pluperfectly cheesy rendition of the Fenway Park 8th-inning staple "Sweet Caroline." And how 'bout those eyebrows? The "Works Well With Fruit" Award goes to Katy Perry, for making the kitchiest most out of her performance of "I Kissed A Girl," complete with an entrance out of a giant peeled banana (insert your favorite Freud joke here) and a trash 'n' vaudeville outfit that, were she alive today, Carmen Miranda would kill for.The "Was This In The Script?" Award goes to presenter Samuel L. Jackson, who actually began his intro of T.I. and Justin Timberlake with the following salutation: "People of Earth!" Somewhere, Ed Wood is smiling.The "Was This In The Script II?" Award goes to presenter Craig Ferguson, who announced that he was up for a Best Sex Tape Award: "It's me vs. Screech." Even Paris Hilton blushed at that one.And, finally, the "All Kidding Aside" Award goes to NARAS chief Neil Portnow, for noting the organization's commitment to improving health care, saving music education in schools, and protecting musician's intellectual rights. And yes, past Grammy Award winner Barack Obama, a cabinet position of Secretary of the Arts is a pretty good idea. Just ask Quincy Jones.

Beefs And Cramps

Posted Thu Feb 5, 2009 5:33pm PST by Lyndsey Parker in That's Really Week

This was a fast and furious week indeed. Etta was furious with Beyonce, Bruce was furious with Ticketmaster, the entire Asian-American population was furious with Miley, and Cramps fans were furious with the Grim Reaper for taking away the band's frontman, Lux Interior, way too soon.

First, let's talk about one of the most unlikely celebrity feuds in all of music, the one that exploded this week between legendary jazz singer Etta James and the woman who played Etta in Cadillac Records, Beyonce. Now, we're not sure if Etta was displeased with Beyonce's portrayal of her in that film, but we are sure that she was unhappy with Beyonce's performance of the classic Etta song "At Last" at Barack Obama's inauguration last month. Etta made her displeasure abundantly clear last Wednesday, when--before performing "At Last" at Seattle's Paramount Theater--she launched into a shocking anti-Beyonce tirade.

"You know that woman he had singing for him, singing my song, she's going to get her a** whipped," Etta declared, before she then verbally attacked President Obama himself, referring to him as "your president...the one with the big ears," and adding, "He's not my president." Etta also said she "could not stand" Beyonce.

Whoa. "At Last" is right. At last, we have reported the oddest feud in all of R&B. 50 Cent and Rick Ross--sure, we expect that sort of beef. But Beyonce and Etta James? We didn't see that one coming.

Another angry celebrity in the news this week was Bruce Springsteen. Sure, he was in a fabulous mood last Sunday, performing feelgood anthems like "Glory Days" and "Working On A Dream" for trillions of people at the Super Bowl (and at Barack's Lincoln Memorial inauguration concert a couple weeks before that). And his Working On A Dream album debuted on the Billboard chart at number one, too. But by Wednesday, the Boss was very cross. The target of Bruce's wrath was Ticketmaster, after sales for his upcoming concerts at Meadowlands in his home state of New Jersey were thwarted by an error message on the TM website. Apparently when some fans tried to buy Bruce tickets, they instead received an ad for Ticketmaster subsidiary TicketsNow, offering tickets at hugely inflated prices. Bruce was not happy, and he blasted Ticketmaster and TicketsNow in a message on his official website. Ticketmaster CEO Irving Azoff did quickly issue an apology to Bruce and his frustrated fans, claiming it was a technical glitch, but New Jersey U.S. Representative Bill Pascrell still asked the Federal Trade Commission and Justice Department to investigate possible conflicts of interest between Ticketmaster and TicketsNow. The New Jersey attorney general's office is also investigating whether Ticketmaster violated any consumer fraud or scalping laws.

So Ticketmaster may have (inadvertently or not) infuriated thousands of Bruce buffs, but tween star Miley Cyrus managed to infuriate the entire Asian race this week, when photos of her and her underwear-model boyfriend Justin Gaston--in which they were supposedly rudely ridiculing Asians by making goofy slant-eyed faces--popped up online. Various advocacy groups, including the Organization Of Chinese Americans, demanded an apology...but when Miley finally responded to the post-photo fallout, she didn't seem really all that apologetic at all. Instead, Miley went on the defensive, claiming she was not being racist whatsoever and that the pics were taken out of context and misunderstood.

"In NO way was I making fun of any ethnicity!" she angrily and somewhat ungrammatically blogged. "I was simply making a goofy face. When did that become newsworthy? It seems someone is trying to make something out of nothing to me. If that would have been anyone else, it would have been overlooked! I definitely feel like the press is trying to make me out as the new 'BAD GIRL'! I feel like now that Britney is back on top of her game again, they need someone to pick on! Lucky me! haha Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know what is on my heart. You guys know me and have been by my side every step of the way! You guys know my heart and know the most important things to me are my friends, family, fans and GOD! In NO WAY do I want to disappoint any of you! But, when I have made mistakes in the past, I feel like Ive owned up to them and apologized." [sic sic sic...]

Hmmm. We wonder if the Asian-American community will add this transgression to their list of seven things they hate about Miley...

Meanwhile, thespian Joaquin Phoenix probably angered the nation's hip-hop community, and the Hollywood community, by confirming that he has given up acting to concentrate on a rap career. No, not a country or rock career--that would at least make sense, given his Oscar-nominated role in the Johnny Cash biopic Walk The Line--but a RAP career, people. A viral video of a bearded, scruffy Joaquin's debut rap performance at a Vegas nightclub has not impressed most of those unlucky enough to have seen it (he falls off the stage, for one thing). And it's been a subject of ongoing debate in the blogosphere whether this new MC persona is actually just an elaborate ruse, some sort of promotion for an upcoming Joaquin film in which he plays an aspiring rapper.

But Joaquin remains undeterred, still plans to pursue his hip-hop dream, and insists this is all legit.

"There's not a hoax," Joaquin told the press. "Might I be ridiculous? Might my career in music be laughable? Yeah, that's possible, but that's certainly not my intention."

Joaquin--whose transition from acting to music is being covered in a documentary (or maybe a mockumentary, depending on whether or not you believe Joaquin's story) shot by Casey Affleck, Ben's younger brother--also claimed that many of the clubbers who witnessed his Vegas performance firsthand were impressed by what they saw. "My experience afterward was I had a lot of dudes come up and say, 'We really respect you for doing it, putting yourself out there, and going with it.' Because I think true hip-hop heads know that it's hard, it's going to be a hard transition, and people are going to be lining up just to make fun of me."

And finally, in much less laughable news, Lux Interior, lead singer for the legendary underground punkabilly band the Cramps, passed away this week at age 62 from a longstanding heart condition. "Lux was a fearless frontman who transformed every stage he stepped on into a place of passion, abandon, and true freedom. He is a rare icon who will be missed dearly," the Cramps' publicist said in an official statement. Lux will be dearly missed, and we send our condolences to his bandmate and soulmate of more than 30 years, guitar-wielding vixen Ivy Rorschach. Their partnership was one of the great rock 'n' roll romances of the ages.

And on that sad note, thus concludes another week in music news. Come back next Friday for more headspinning headlines (including plenty of Grammy reportage), and until then--goodnight, and good music.